STRESS: 3 steps To Soften It
The Stress Coach, Jordan Friendman, gives the best definition and analogy of stress. Let’s start here.
Definition: Stress is our body’s response to any threat or demand, whether that threat is real or perceived. It’s not the actual event, it's your body's response to it.
I agree! What is stressful for me might not be stressful for you and vice versa. Our bodies react differently–based on our current life situation as well as our past experiences.
Analogy: Stress is like driving in the snow. It stops you from getting where you want to go or from reaching your destination/goal. It's a distraction which makes you slow down. It increases muscle tension because you’re tense and gripping. It clouds your vision so you don’t know what’s coming next. It creates hyper vigilance and overwhelm.
He goes on to say that tools for stress reduction can act like a snow plow in front of your vehicle, which can make the driving conditions much easier.
There are so many stress reduction tools out there right now! Which is great because we are more stressed than ever. The tools you can use in the moment like breathing are reeeeeaaaallllly wonderful and I suggest them all the time. However, they don’t work 100% of the time, especially when you can’t fully escape the stressor. For these types of stressors, it’s important to have other tools you can rely on. Hence why they call it a “tool box”. When the first tool doesn’t work, just reach in and try another and another until you find the one that fits.
I want to share one that is simple, quick, and effective. It involves getting ahead of your stress to soften it’s blow. There are 3 steps.
Identify your source of stress.
Get specific with what it is about this source that stresses you out.
Implement one small thing that will help you be proactive in this scenario.
Example #1:
Work
More specifically, feeling overwhelmed during the work day.
One proactive thing? Small breaks throughout the day. I’m talking 3-5 minutes. Stop working, get up from your space, walk around, stretch, sit outside, etc. No, scrolling doesn’t count as a break. It further stimulates the brain so your mind is not getting a true break.
Our biggest problem is we think 3-5 minutes will put us behind. So we sense the stress, feel the urge to take a break, get more stressed thinking about taking a break, keep powering through, and therefore sit in the stress which creates even more. In reality, not giving your brain a break causes bigger problems. At the end of the day, pulling yourself away for 3 breaks, totaling no more than 15 minutes is not going to put you way behind. In fact, it will help you hit the reset button so you can look at things more clearly with a fresh mind. This is just one example. What is it, specifically, about your work day that stresses you out? What’s one thing you can implement that will relieve that stress juuuust a little?
Example #2:
Traffic
More specifically, when other drivers are reckless.
One proactive thing? Allow them to be bad drivers without retaliating.
Okay, I know this is a wild concept, but hear me out. I used to be one vengeful bish when I was on the road (also super stressed while doing it). But since implementing this, I am so much more chill . . . and way less stressed. Yes, when the other driver initially does something reckless near me, I am stressed, but I do not allow that stress to escalate. I have a quick chat with myself about how they're a bad driver and I’m a good driver. I tell myself that retaliation doesn’t make them a better driver, puts me in danger, and raises my stress even higher. Sometimes I might give them a thumbs down (which in all honesty pisses people off more than the bird). Bad drivers are always going to exist. And when you allow them to rile you up, they win. I know you think it feels good in the moment to “get back at them”, but I promise it feels even better when it doesn’t bother you at all. There’s an enormous amount of stress you can save yourself by working on this one thing. What stresses you out about traffic? What’s one thing you can implement that will relieve that stress juuuust a little?
You can take these 3 steps and apply it to ANY stressors in your life. Will implementing one thing fix the stress completely? Probably not. If you can’t remove the stressor completely, which most of the time you can’t, then the stress might not ever completely go away. But you can soften it and that’s a great start. Once the first thing you implemented is like second nature, choose a second thing to implement to soften the stress even more. Then repeat. You’re in charge of learning how to manage your own stress. No one is going to ride up on a white horse and save you from it. Start to take back your power. I promise you can.
