Which Trauma Response Does Your Nervous System Go To? Everybody has at least one.
I’ve been learning A LOT about nervous system regulation. Not only am I researching about it, I’m also paying close attention to my nervous system in daily life. Why is this important? Because it affects everything, especially your overall health. You will want to learn how your body responds when triggered and how to regulate it so it doesn’t wreak havoc on your system. Trust me, this small (but mighty) tweak will give you so much clarity that behavioral a-ha moments will just start flooding in.
Let me give you a brief overview as I understand it. Your autonomic nervous system consists of 2 parts:
The parasympathetic nervous system or “rest and digest” (I remember this one from the word “parachute”, that’s there to provide a safeguard when you’re falling). Think about your body feeling calm, safe, and relaxed. Your breathing is regular. The brain is capable of thinking clearly. You’re able to access positive emotions, laugh, and be creative. You’re not stressed.
The sympathetic nervous system or “fight or flight”. Think about your body feeling distress, anxiety, and/or discomfort. You might be having a hard time catching a breath and/or your heart rate is escalated. Your thoughts are racing, spiraling, and you can’t make them stop. You have easy access to negative emotions. You can’t slow things down and calm yourself. There’s a feeling of overwhelm. You could want to escape the situation and/or the way you’re feeling. You might think about fleeing, actually flee, or revert to another activity to avoid what’s actually happening (as another way of fleeing).
Only one can be “on” at a time. When one of these nervous systems is turned on, the other one is turned off. So if you’re in rest and digest, you are not stressed. If you’re in fight or flight, you are not calm. In order to access calm, you must turn on your parasympathetic nervous system.
Guess what else can happen? Your sympathetic nervous system could turn off completely. If this happens, you might feel unmotivated, disconnected, foggy, or disassociated. Your system slows waaaay down. You don’t have access to fight or flight when you need it, so you revert to freezing or fawning. This is not ideal because you need your sympathetic nervous system for survival. It is your body’s built-in alarm system.
Nervous system regulation is recognizing when your sympathetic nervous system is on or off and finding your way back to your parasympathetic nervous system–preferably in the fastest and most efficient way available.
What happens when you get triggered? Something has been activated deep inside of you. There’s a familiar feeling within your body that stirs up a warning that you may be unsafe–whether it’s physical, emotional, mental, or even financial. Your sympathetic nervous system turns on (you feel distressed or amped up) or it turns off (you feel unmotivated and disconnected). You are no longer operating from a place of calm, confidence, and authenticity. Therefore, you behave or make decisions based on stress or fear. Have you ever gotten hyped up and acted out of character? Or felt so numb that you couldn’t act on something simple? Then later on, after getting back to a place of calm, you were embarrassed of your behavior? This is what was happening because you weren’t thinking and behaving from your present day, adult self once you got triggered. A trigger turns off your logical brain and turns on your survival brain.
Why is this good? It’s an opportunity to identify what occurred to shift you out of your ideal physiological place. This is a gift! We want to be operating and making choices from the parasympathetic nervous system. This is IDEAL. This is the place where all the magic happens. The sympathetic helps you survive. The parasympathetic helps you thrive. Remember that.
So how do we know when we get triggered? Great question! There are 4 nervous system trauma responses. Most people will identify one that they revert to most of the time with a secondary one for some of the time. You can also identify with just one, three, or all four! Everyone is different, but everyone will identify with at least one. This trauma response is automatic, meaning that you cannot keep it from happening in the moment. It will happen very fast. However, the goal is to notice after it happens (as quickly as you can), and tend to yourself to regulate back to rest and digest as soon as you can. If you can practice this, it will absolutely change your life. No bullshit.
What are the 4 nervous system trauma responses? And what do they look like? I’ve listed them along with their characteristics. Fight and Flight are synonymous with your sympathetic nervous system being activated. Freeze and Fawn are synonymous with your nervous system being inactive. Please refer to the graph below them from To Be Magnetic as well. Snap a photo or screenshot if you’d like! They’re similar, I just chose to add a few more for the blog.
Fight
Aggressive
Confrontational
Loud talking/ Yelling
Angry
Reactive
Frustrated/ Irritated
Urge to punch something or someone
Critical/ Attacking
Difficulty listening
Argumentative
Flight:
Worry/ Panic
Urge to flee
Distancing yourself
Avoidance
Rumination
Workaholic
Perfectionism
Constantly moving or doing
Defensive
Always rushing
Freeze:
Procrastination
Stuck
Numb
Paralyzed
Burned out
Dissociated
Unmotivated/ Unable to take action
Isolation
Not responding to others
Always tired or fatigued
Fawn:
People pleasing
Codependency
Always saying yes/ Hard time saying no
Putting other people’s needs first
Hypervigilant
No boundaries
Lack of assertiveness
Feeling responsible for other’s feelings and behaviors
Extremely agreeable/ Overly helpful
Bases your identity on others/ Abandons authentic self
Which one(s) are you? Now that you’ve identified yours, write the characteristics down and keep them close. You can put them in your phone notes or take a photo of the graph. Now it’s time to start paying attention. When you revert to a state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, this means you’re triggered. This is the trauma response your nervous system learned in childhood to protect you and keep you safe (this is an entirely different blog). Know that something has rattled or disarmed you. It’s now your job to regulate and get back to a state of parasympathetic.
How do I regulate my nervous system? It will depend on what's happened, where you are, and how much time you have. Here are some options to add to your toolbox:
Deep, slow breathing (box breathing has been effective for me)
Go for a walk in nature (naturally calming effect)
Stand barefoot in the grass (called grounding)
Move your body (dance, yoga, exercise, run in place, stretch)
Rock from side to side (activates parasympathetic nervous system)
Meditate (even for 2-3 minutes)
Sing or hum (this activates the almighty Vagus Nerve)
Take a cold shower or stick your hand in ice water (this can shock the nervous system)
Cuddle an animal (see if you can get your rhythms in sync)
What is the goal for your nervous system? We will undoubtedly experience things every day, multiple times a day, that will activate our sympathetic nervous system. The goal is not to prevent this entirely. The goal is to learn to recover as quickly as we can! Not only do we need to practice these tools in the moment to regulate, we need to practice them when we’re already regulated. This way, our nervous system gains resiliency for both paths! The more you practice it, the easier it will be to access it when you need it. And let’s be honest, EVERYONE could benefit from some more calm.
