How Can Honesty Create Your Dream Life?
What’s one of my secrets for creating the life you want? Honesty.
This has been one of my core values for as far back as I can remember. It wasn’t until just recently that I connected some dots around how crucial honesty has been in my personal journey. My fascination with it has literally built my life. How? Because when you’re honest, you can’t hide.
So why would anyone choose dishonesty? Here are a few reasons:
you don’t want to be seen for who you really are
you’re trying to be seen as something other than who you really are
you’re avoiding the reality of a situation
you don’t want to get in trouble
you don’t want to let someone down
you want to delay or deny responsibility
you fear rejection or abandonment
you fear change
It doesn’t matter the reason (outside of some mental illnesses),
you’re being dishonest because you’re hiding the truth OR you’re hiding from the truth.
There are two avenues to be dishonest and hide. You can be dishonest with 1) yourself and 2) with others. Some people struggle with both. Some have no problem being honest with close friends, but struggle to be honest with themselves. Maybe because they can’t do for themselves what they rely on a friend for (comfort, validation, support). Others are honest with themselves, but wouldn’t dare be fully honest with someone else. They might think, “I’m not taking any chances just in case they don’t like what they see.”
Where do you fall?
Being honest with myself is how I build accountability and make great choices. For example, if I’m wavering about whether or not to exercise, I check in with myself (and my body) and ask why. If I’m just avoiding the hard work, I’ve learned to be honest about that. Then I navigate it. I try to harness my motivating self-talk to push me and get it done. If I’m genuinely tired or don’t have the time, I’m honest about that. I embrace my compassionate self-talk. Over time, my inner voice has learned to have my back (both ways) because she knows I’m being honest.
I don’t want to hide from myself because it will corrupt my reality of what I believe I’m capable of AND what I’m actually capable of.
Being honest with others is how I build trust and connection. With me, what you see is what you get. That’s important to me. When you ask people about me, there’s always overlap. I choose not to hide who I am because this attracts my people and repels the rest.
There are two parts to honesty with others. The first is being honest about who I am. People want to connect with someone they trust. I connect with people because they can sense I’m real and that makes them feel safe enough to be themselves.
The second part is being honest with them. Honest about how I’m feeling, what I think, my perspective, etc. It doesn’t waver based on what they say, even if it means we don’t align. I’m the friend that points out the uncomfortable truths. I try to be kind, but firm. As a friend recently pointed out, it’s not always fun being this person and it sometimes keeps people from telling me things. I used to take this personally, but now I know it’s not me they’re hiding from . . . it’s themselves. Because when you put it out there for someone to see, you’re vulnerable to their perspective. You might not like what they have to say. However, you also won’t be able to grow from the honesty of their viewpoint. And if they’re really your people, it could be the viewpoint you need to get out of a cycle.
I don’t want to hide from others because it’s disrespectful to them, our current connection, and the future connection we intend on building.
If you find yourself wanting to hide from yourself or someone else, ask yourself why? Get honest. I promise you there’s a reason. We aren’t born wanting to hide, we’re taught–either intentionally or unintentionally. Somewhere along the line, we received the message that being dishonest is safer. Then we carried it with us into adulthood . . . and here we are.
Keep this mind: you cannot hide forever. The truth always finds a way to the surface. And every time you’re faced with it, it will hurt because it’s a reminder that you betrayed yourself (and/or a loved one) in some way. It’s not going to get easier the longer you put it off. In fact, it will get harder until the authenticity is restored.
Remember the silent harm it could be causing. It’s withholding you from your full potential, tainting each choice you make, and steering you in the other direction of the life you crave. It’s disconnecting you from your true self, needs, wants, and desires. And whether you believe it or not, it’s maintaining an invisible wall in your relationships. The wall can only come down when full honesty is in place.
So what’s my advice for moving forward? Just start being more honest. With yourself. And with others. Choice by choice. And watch what it cultivates.
P.S. Be kind when delivering it. Don’t use it as an excuse to be a dick.
