6 Reasons People Resist Change
I’ve learned that running from, resisting, and being pissed about change in your life does nothing but cause you unnecessary suffering. I’ve experienced this myself and I’ve watched it countless times with people close to me—including my Clients. Depending on your perspective, you can see change as something that shakes up your foundation and leaves you feeling vulnerable OR something that shakes loose what’s no longer serving you and leaves you feeling inspired.
But first, a metaphor. Life is like a flowing river. It’s constantly moving forward and everything around it is gradually changing. Most of the time it moves slowly and in one direction, but sometimes it speeds up, bends, and shifts its direction completely. What would happen if you were floating down a super wide river and once you came to the bend, you decided to jump out of your float, attempt to go backwards, or try to force the river to keep heading straight? You would come up against resistance and eventually be forced to continue in the direction of the river. And why would you want to create resistance that’s not there and make things more difficult for yourself? All you have to do is sit back, relax, and take in the view. Don’t you want to see where the river is going next? It’s easier (and more peaceful) to surrender and trust that the current knows where to take you next. In case you didn’t pick up on it, the river is life and the current is God/The Universe/Nature/ Whatever higher power you believe in.
Here are the top 6 reasons people resist change. These come from my personal experience with change as well as the 6 years I’ve spent working with Clients. While reading them, think about which one or ones resonate with you.
1. It’s hard. With change, it typically requires more work and time to implement. This means we have to expend more energy and be patient for the results. This is hard for humans. No one actually loves more work, but that’s what gives us the edge over everyone else. Also, it’s not going to happen overnight, but that’s what we want and expect. Most people would rather take the easy way out because easy is comfortable. Easy takes less effort, motivation, and time. But easy doesn’t challenge you. Easy doesn’t build your dream life. Of course we want certain tasks in our daily life to be easy, but how greedy we become when we expect everything to be easy. If we want something worthwhile, we must welcome some hard. Not only will we end up with the change and results we desire, but we’ll feel so good about how we got there.
2. They’re scared. Scared of what might happen if they do change.. Scared they will fail. Scared that if they do succeed, they won’t be able to keep it up. Scared they will be judged. Scared that it won’t be perfect. Scared their future self won’t be able to manage it. The list of fears goes on and on. So many people never realize their full potential because they allow their fears to overpower them. Instead of pushing through, dealing with any discomfort, seeing what they’re actually capable of, learning from their failures, and taking responsibility for their life . . . they play it safe and stick with what they know. When people at the end of their life were asked what they regret most, one of the things they said was not taking more chances—because now they’ll never know what their life could have looked like. In this case, fear is a thief that robs you of the future you deserve.
3. They have limiting beliefs. People in the past have told them that they can’t do something. . . and they believed them. Instead of venturing out to prove them wrong, they just took what they heard about themselves at face value and settled. These limiting beliefs can hinder your self-confidence, which is something you need to step out of your comfort zone and believe in yourself. Ultimately, you can’t allow someone else to tell you who you are and what you’re capable of. You have to define that for yourself. Limiting beliefs are tricky though. Unless you take some time to do some self-discovery work (I know a girl who can help), you may never uncover what yours are. EVERYONE has them. And if they always stay hidden, they will forever be sabotaging you on the subconscious level.
4. They don’t want to let go of who they are or what they have. I’ve definitely been here. When I was pregnant, I started to get concerned that I would lose so much—my hustle, my social calendar, travel, me-time, my fun side, etc. I knew that life was going to look very different. It was a little overwhelming, but I sat with the sadness and grief that comes with loss. It was POWERFUL. Really hard, but powerful. Of course I miss certain things, but I remember that I was so lucky to have experienced them in the first place! But nothing lasts forever . . . all things come to an end eventually. I asked myself, “Would I rather welcome this transition on my terms with acceptance and curiosity? Or with resistance while forcing things to stay as they were?” And now that my son is here, I’ve been leaning into the new version of myself and my life. It’s quite beautiful how amazing it is. I realized that I haven’t lost anything at all. Everything is still there, it just looks a little different . . . and it fits my life perfectly for the current phase I’m in.
5. They don’t think they need to change. This one is dangerous because it means there’s a lack of self-awareness. In order to evolve, uplevel, grow, improve, mature, etc., you MUST change things up from time to time! In order to change, you MUST have self-awareness. In order to gain self-awareness, you MUST be open to accepting that you have things that need addressing (because everyone does). We are not meant to be the same people or stuck in the same scenarios for an extended amount of time. Complacency is dangerous for a human, it breeds unhappiness.
6. They assume they have more time. I’ve heard things like:
I’ll do it later.
I have to wait until ______.
I’m not ready.
It’s not the right time.
I can’t right now because ______.
Aren’t we so entitled to think that we have allllll this extra time?! As we all know, hours turn into days, then into weeks, then into months, and then into years. Next thing you know, we’re like, “Wow. Where did the time go?” Well, it was passing while we were busy hanging onto familiarity. And then we’re left with a pile of regrets and guilt for not making better use of it. Time is limited . . . for everyone. Don’t think you’re the lucky one who can waste it and still build your dream life.
Change is absolutely inevitable. For everyone (noticing a pattern with this word yet?). Things are changing every single second. People think that by resisting, they’re beating the system. But really, everyone and everything around them continues to evolve and ultimately leaves them behind. They’re left wondering what the hell happened while feeling bitter and lost. I’ve learned to really lean into change. No, it’s not easy at first, but it does get easier. I’ve witnessed SO many wonderful twists and turns in my life that would not have happened if I had resisted it. I also have far less anxiety, fear, worry, guilt, and regret because I welcome it. Why would I not? NOTHING in my life has been worse after I settled into something new . . . and by settled, I mean received and allowed it to happen. It has allowed me to trust that everything always works out. God and the Universe are working with me and for me. I fully trust that. So change just isn’t that scary. It comes to shift my life in the direction I am supposed to go. Because let’s be real, we all need that push every once in a while.
