Part 2: Understanding Masculine Energy
In last month’s blog, I started the discussion of feminine and masculine energies—with an emphasis on the feminine. Since we all need both, let’s continue exploring why masculine energy is just important. *It bears repeating that these energies have nothing to do with gender. They have existed long before our societal gender roles were established.* (See last blog for further explanation. READ IT HERE)
What does masculine energy look like? It’s very action-oriented—the energy that gets shit done. It’s being assertive, decisive, disciplined, focused, competitive, driven, independent, and confident. It’s designed to plan, solve problems, and take risks. It’s allowing rational, logical thinking to guide you. It’s speaking up for yourself. It’s setting firm boundaries and sticking to them. It’s deeply connected to your inner warrior and offers protection when you’re feeling defenseless or under attack.
I know so many women (including myself) who are very in tune with their masculine energy. They kick ass and are driven to be independent and successful. However, sometimes we can find ourselves predominantly living here and not allowing ourselves to tap into our divine feminine. I also know women who are super in touch with their feminine energy. They are nurturing, very acquainted with their emotions, and comfortable with vulnerability. Nevertheless, they can also find themselves living here and not allowing themselves to tap into their dynamic masculine. Keep in mind we need both to be our best selves. Let me explain what both scenarios can look like.
Scenario 1: Too much masculine energy (not enough feminine) can lead to burnout. It could be hard to stop working. It might be even harder to relinquish control (over anything and everything). It looks like stress, anxiety, and fatigue. You become angry or frustrated easily. You’re extremely hard on yourself. You don’t feel valued or appreciated. It’s difficult to sit still because you feel you constantly have to be doing something—this leads to living on autopilot. It becomes harder to let your guard down to connect on a deeper level with those closest to you. You hold your emotions in and even feel disconnected to feeling them. Finally, you look externally (material things, success, and opinions of others) to validate you and give you worth.
Scenario 2: Not enough masculine energy (too much feminine) can lead to insecurity and codependency. You’re too in touch with your emotions. In fact, they begin to take over your life and cause anxiety, sadness, or even depression. You’re so caught up in your internal world that you feel stuck and unable to move forward in your life. You lack the drive or confidence to make decisions and put a plan into action. There’s so much empathy that you feel responsible for the well being of others. You give of yourself too freely and put others first. You allow others to take advantage of your boundaries (or just have a hard time creating or keeping them). You may find yourself becoming too passive, compliant, or needy and this often leaves you playing the victim.
Your goal is to balance both energies. How do you do that? First, you must get familiar with what it FEELS like for you to be in both of these energies. I’ve given examples of what each looks like (between my last blog and this one) so you can use that as a guide. Second, learn which energy to lean into depending on what you desire or need from a particular situation. For example, tap into your masculine energy when you need to be firm with someone or get shit done. And tap into your feminine energy when you need to soften, let your guard down, and connect to others (and yourself) in a deeper way. Lastly, practice, practice, practice. It’s like a dance, swaying back and forth from one energy to the other. This is how you stay in alignment.
Women need to be in touch with their masculine energy. It gives us a voice to stick up for ourselves, allows us to achieve our goals to create the lives we want, and helps us maintain boundaries. The good thing is that we live in a society that celebrates masculine energy. It has pushed women to operate more from that part of us. Fortunately, we connect to it much easier than before. Unfortunately, we’ve also been shamed or criticized for embodying our masculine energy. It can make men (and women) feel threatened. Quite a conundrum, don’t you think? No wonder we’re so damn confused.
Let’s talk about how this relates to romantic relationships. We tend to attract and be attracted to partners who show up on an equal level but opposite energy as us—regardless of our sexual preference. In a nutshell, masculine energy attracts feminine energy and vice versa. Remember we’re not talking about gender, but an exchange of energy (think of a magnet). The challenge here is that women who lean more into their masculine energy still typically desire masculine men . . . but masculine men desire feminine partners! While they love to see a woman stand up for herself and take initiative, they don’t particularly want a partner that dominates them and doesn’t give them the space and opportunity to lead with their masculine. It leads to a push/push or a pull/pull and never works if both partners stay in their masculine energy.
If this same woman ends up attracting a man who leans more into his feminine, she will eventually become frustrated that he isn’t stepping up to take charge. He will just follow her lead and allow her to make moves, plans, and decisions. While she complies because this is her comfort zone, she will ultimately get tired and wonder why he never takes the lead. She wants a break and expects her man to step in and take over.
If a woman doesn’t tap into her masculine energy ENOUGH in a relationship, it can also cause problems. She might start to feel as if she is being controlled. She isn’t being heard or respected and doesn’t feel like she has a voice in making decisions. She can’t speak her mind or maintain firm boundaries. She doesn’t connect to the feeling of independence or what it’s like to be her own person for fear of upsetting her partner.
Too much or too little masculine energy also affects your relationships with your friends. Have you noticed there’s always that one friend that does the planning of things? Everyone else follows her lead and lets her because hey, less work for them. Have you also noticed that one friend sometimes reaches her breaking point? She doesn’t feel appreciated for all she does and can’t understand why no one else pitches in to help. She is operating from her masculine energy and is burnt out. Her friends have been in their feminine and following her lead. If you’re the burnt out friend, take a step into your feminine, get vulnerable, and connect with your friends about how you feel. Let them know that it’s someone else’s turn and you’re going to allow them to lead. If you’re the friend following another’s lead, step into your masculine, take action, and lead for a bit. Have a talk with your friend, let her know you appreciate all she does to make your get-togethers happen, and how you want to give her a break.
When you learn to flow from one energy to the next, you and your partner’s/friend’s energies begin to dance! Sometimes you lead and sometimes they lead. Since no one is leading from a dominant energy ALL the time, you have harmony in the relationship.
It’s exciting that women are more connected to their masculine energy! They’re out there kicking ass and not letting anyone push them around. They’re standing up for themselves and their rights and gaining the respect they deserve. Unfortunately, they’re also getting stuck leading from this energy and it’s exhausting them. Tapping into their divine feminine energy can revive them and bring them back home. On the other hand, there are still many women out there that need to tap into their masculine energy MORE. They should learn to be a little more assertive and confident, practice setting clear and firm boundaries, and discover how to take action when there’s something they want.
The key is to feel just as comfortable in your masculine energy as you do in your feminine energy. This helps you feel which energy is appropriate for situations as they arise. It allows you to flow from one to the other without overthinking it. Now that you are aware, this is something you can practice in your own life. This practice will bring so much togetherness and enjoyment to all of your relationships; with partners, spouses, friends, co-workers, boss, family, children, etc. Get comfortable with the energy you’ve been rejecting. It’s inside of you and just waiting to come out!
