Part 1: Embracing Your Feminine Energy
As I explore the topic of feminine and masculine energy more and more, I’m floored by what I uncover. I now see how deeply it relates to my life and my personal growth. Since this is something a lot of people misunderstand (including me at first), I want to try and create more awareness around it. My understanding of it was non-existent until a few years ago. I walked into my very first reiki session and before we even started talking, she said to me, “Holy masculine energy! We have got to get you more balanced and in touch with your feminine side!” I was so confused because I considered myself pretty girly—I love makeup, getting dressed up, hanging with my girlfriends, the color pink (you get the picture). She gave me exercises to do and because I was so intrigued, I went all in. It started me down this path of reconnecting to my feminine energy and it has seriously changed my life and my relationships.
To be clear, the titles of feminine and masculine energy have nothing to do with gender. They’re a representation of opposites; push and pull, light and dark, yin and yang, black and white. The words feminine and masculine have existed long before gender roles in society. For example, in nature, fire and air are considered masculine while water and earth are feminine. The sun is masculine and the moon is feminine. In science, they call a positive electron masculine and a negative electron feminine. These titles are not up for debate and have been around longer than our societal definition of masculine and feminine.
To understand this energy within a human, we’ve rejected all the other titles and clung to “feminine and masculine”. The reason these are easier for us to comprehend is because by nature, MOST women embody and embrace the characteristics that fall under feminine energy with ease. Not all, but most. And MOST men embody and embrace the characteristics under the title of masculine energy more naturally. Not all, but most. There are always outliers on both sides. Here’s where the problem comes in: society has consolidated the meaning of feminine and masculine roles with the true nature of feminine and masculine energy.
Back in the day, masculine and feminine gender roles put people into boxes—a woman does this and a man does that. Women stayed home to take care of the children and household while men worked to provide financially. In the 1960’s, as women began to break the mold and enter the workforce, rules and invisible demands were put into place to make men feel more comfortable. For example, women were instructed not to be vulnerable, talk about emotions or their periods, or make emotional decisions. We were even pressured to come back to work quickly after having babies. In order to survive in the workplace, we complied. These, among other demands, have pushed women towards leading with the characteristics listed under masculine energy and neglecting their feminine energy. Why? Mainly because feminine energy is viewed as weak.
All this pressure from society has caused a complete imbalance in the energy of women. It’s a disconnect from the innate and powerful nature that resides in us because we fear it will be seen as weakness or inequality. We feel we always need to be strong, driven, independent, and competitive. If you look around, you’ll see women everywhere excelling in these traits. I’m not saying this is a bad thing! I carry these traits proudly and I love seeing them in other women. We need them and they’re really powerful when in balance with feminine traits. However, while there’s a time and place for them, we can’t LIVE here at all times. Women are getting stuck existing in these traits and not allowing themselves to exist in their feminine ones ALSO.
What does our feminine energy look like? It’s being empathetic, compassionate, supportive, vulnerable, open and trusting, intuitive, creative, and reflective. It’s knowing how to ask for what you need. It’s not being afraid to speak what’s in your heart. It’s getting out of your head and into your body—listening to how you feel over what you think. It’s remembering to take a break from DOING so you can just BE (flowing, not hustling). It’s a release of the hard exterior so you can soften. It’s surrendering to live authentically and confidently in your body.
This very last thing is crucial. Our body is beautiful because of its shape and size. It’s beautiful because it's different! We have allowed ourselves to fall victim to thinking it’s not because it doesn’t look like the model created by a perfectionist society. Not all bodies are supposed to look like that! We have forgotten to cherish and thank our bodies for doing all of the divine things it was created to do. We’re so busy criticizing what it’s not that we miss out loving it for all that it is. Being in your feminine energy is taking great care of your body, keeping it healthy, and admiring it for all that it does. We need to stop THINKING that our body should look one way and start FEELING what it’s like to be who we are in it.
It’s important to understand that both energies exist within every person. In order to be the healthiest representation of yourself, you must have a balance of the two—harmony. (YES. Men need to be in touch with their feminine energy too) You can’t always lead with one because you’ll neglect the other. That leads to problems. When you don’t have enough of one energy, you will feel frustrated. When you have too much of one energy, you will feel overwhelmed. Think of it like a dance. You want both energies to work together interchangeably and not dominate the other.
The first example plays out in relationships. If one person lives deep in their masculine energy, they will not feel as comfortable with a partner who also lives deep in their masculine energy. The same thing goes with feminine energies. They will clash. It will be push and push or pull and pull. There must be balance and harmony. If you’re a woman who always leads with her masculine energy, your partner might eventually back off and begin to live in their feminine energy in order to maintain the balance. OR there will be a constant struggle because neither partner has learned how to balance their energies. They haven’t learned to dance with one another.
The second example occurs when a woman is hurt or traumatized, she might lean into her masculine energy a little more because it protects her. Since feminine energy means to trust yourself, open up, and be vulnerable, she might not feel safe enough to do so. Until she heals that wound, her energy may be out of balance. If she never acknowledges and heals the wound, she may very well get stuck in her masculine energy. This will lead to a slew of problems she’ll never even know stemmed from this very thing. This is one of the many reasons why personal healing and growth is so necessary.
Lastly, if you lead with your masculine energy at work, you must find time outside of work to lean back into your feminine energy. I was very guilty of this one. All the qualities that resonate with masculine energy—assertiveness, action oriented, logic and reason, competitiveness, problem solving, decisiveness, goal oriented—most definitely have their place in a work environment. You could say that some are essential. But when you get home and are interacting with your family or you’re out with your girlfriends, they are not as needed. In fact, they can sometimes be a hindrance when trying to connect to people that you love.
Reconnecting to our feminine energy will bring us back home . . . to ourselves. It will help us break free of trying to measure up to what other people think we should be. We will feel more authentic, balanced, and peaceful. Yes, we stand firm in our masculine energy when it’s needed—remember that we need both. But when it’s not, it will give us permission to let down the hard exterior and soften. Permission to surrender so we stop trying to control and just be as we are. This will give our partners permission to soften as well. It will relieve some of the pushing we do against one another so we can work together and dance. Sometimes you will lead and sometimes they will. Your feminine energy is not a weakness. It actually takes greater strength and courage. THIS is a missing piece in today’s society and we must have more of it to heal. Women are intuitive connectors, so it’s up to us to bring it back. We start with ourselves. If we blaze a trail, others will follow.
