Stress vs. Stressor. (And What To Do About Stress)
Did you know there’s a difference between your stress and your stressors? I actually just discovered this myself! I used to lump it all into one category! Understanding the difference can help you identify what stresses you out and how stress feels in your body, so you can manage it in the best way for you—which is something we all need.
Let’s start with stress. I know definitions are BORING, but stick with me because I’m about to show you why I was combining stress and stressors together.
a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from challenging or demanding circumstances
a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation
the natural reaction your body has when changes or challenges occur
a natural response to a challenge or threat that causes a feeling of tension or worry
Yes, they’re essentially saying the same thing. They all agree that stress happens within our body. However, they also mention that it’s brought on by something.
That something is the stressor. A stressor activates the stress inside our body. There are internal and external stressors. An external stressor originates outside of one’s self. Think traffic, financial worries, conflict in relationships, pressure from work, or losing a loved one. Internal stressors originate inside of one’s self. Think fear, negative thought patterns, critical self-talk, lack of sleep, or too much caffeine. No matter the source, your physical body is perceiving the stressor as a potential threat. This sets off a series of neurological and physiological changes in your body and mind (stress) that get you ready to fend off the stressor.
Do you see how even most defintions lump stress and stressors together? It’s true that you can’t have one without the other, but they are two separate things.
When you encounter a stressor, your autonomic nervous system will leave its home base—parasympathetic—and either activate your sympathetic or turn off completely. When we efficiently recover from our stress, our parasympathetic—home base—is activated once again. Our heart rate and blood pressure lower, cortisol and adrenaline levels decrease, digestion and immune functions resume normal activities, muscles relax, and breathing slows down. In order for this to happen, the stressor has to be gone AND our body has to receive the signal that it’s safe from the potential threat.
Waaaaay back in the day, the process of encountering a stressor and recovering from stress was more black and white. First, the stressor actually went away. And because of this, our body clearly received the signal that the stressor was gone and we were safe. Life was more “simple”. They didn’t have the kinds of stressors we do now and they actually allowed themselves to stop and recover. Nowadays, the stressors might not go away completely or are happening too frequently. And because of this, our bodies aren’t receiving the same signal every time. Life is much busier and we definitely don’t allow ourselves to stop and recover!
I must also point out that getting rid of the stressor doesn’t always get rid of the stress within your body. If your body doesn’t receive the signal that it’s safe once the stressor has passed, you might need to send the signal to your body yourself. This means you might have to do something to release the stress from your body.
In the book “Burnout: The Secret To Unlocking the Stress Cycle”, Emily Nagoski explains that dealing with your stress is different than dealing with the cause of your stress (stressor). In order to deal with your stress, you must “complete the (stress) cycle”. She gives 8 ways to do just that. This allows you to take control of the stress in your body so it doesn’t build up and cause problems.
She says, “The most efficient way to complete the cycle and help with long term buildup is to move your body. Exercising for 20 to 30 minutes is great. Physical activity is what tells your brain you have successfully survived the threat and now your body is a safe place to live”. For example, a caveman had to run from his predators. When he stopped running, his body knew that the predator was gone. This was proof the body needed to return to safety. Physical activity mimics this!
Short bursts of physical movement. This is ideal for the moment when you feel that stress is overtaking you. For example, stop and run in place, punch the air, tense up your entire body and release. You're signaling to your body that you have taken the initiative to run from, fight, or defend yourself from the threat. You've exerted the energy and you are now safe from the threat.
Deep, slow breathing with an longer exhale
Positive and friendly external social interaction
Laugher
Affection—6 second kiss/ 20 second hug (hugging until relaxation)
Crying
Creative expression—watching movies, writing, painting, etc.
Lay in bed and tense every muscle in your body starting with your feet all the way up to your head and then imagine beating the shit out of your stressor.
We will inevitably experience stress in our lives! And everyone will experience it in different ways and to different degrees. Learning to identify your stressors and then respond to your stress in a healthier way can make a big difference in your day to day life. Start practicing these things and find what works best for you!
