My Road To Pregnancy
As I write this, I am 17 weeks pregnant. I will say that it wasn’t a complete walk in the park for me to get here. And it might have happened sooner had I known some things before I pulled the goalie (birth control) and started down the path known as “trying”. But I have no complaints. I’ve learned to trust the timing of everything as it is always right and perfect. Could people have told me these things when I shared that I one day wanted to get pregnant? Sure, but I now see that this journey is extremely personal and unique to every woman. Maybe they didn’t know these things just as I didn’t, maybe they didn’t want to share because they felt it wasn’t their place, or maybe they thought I already knew. I get it. But my lack of knowledge has compelled me to share—especially about the one thing I truly feel gave me so much power in this process. Maybe by sharing, it will make one woman’s journey a little easier. And that’s enough for me.
Let me start off by proudly saying that I am 39 years old. I met my soulmate a little later than I had hoped so our love story had MANY adventures to experience before it was time for parenthood. (By the way, ladies, if you’re currently looking . . . do not settle. Trust me. It’s worth every single second of the wait.) While out traveling the world, I became unsure if children would even be a part of my story. There was a moment when I thought the view of the Aegean Sea from an infinity pool in Santorini with my husband was the only life for me. I remember looking at Bobby and saying, “We could do this, just us, for the rest of our lives.” It was quite appealing. Because I was so torn, I left it up to my body to tell me when it was ready. When the time came . . . I felt it.
My very first piece of advice is this: All of life, including becoming a parent, is not a race. Take. Your. Time. And do it the right way—YOUR way.
I stopped taking birth control in March of 2020. Talk about the worst timing, right? My period came back immediately. This was a relief since I had been on the pill for like 20 years. I learned that doesn’t happen for everyone. Even though it came back, the number of days in my cycle wasn’t regular. One month was 31 days, the next was 27 days, then 33 days, etc. After about 8 months, it finally settled on 34 days. This leads me to one of those things I didn’t know: Every woman’s cycle can vary drastically. I knew they weren’t all the same, but I wasn’t aware of the large range. I had never tracked my cycle before. I’d been on birth control for so long that I didn’t need to. I had NO clue how many days were in my natural cycle. I also didn’t know: If you want to try and get pregnant, you must know how many (or about how many) days are in your cycle. Yeah, I know it’s basic shit, but sometimes it’s the most basic of information we’re lacking.
Everything I was reading at the time referenced a 28 day cycle—which will put you ovulating at day 14. This is average for MOST women, but not all women. I just assumed that I was average. My gynecologist even told me, “When you get off the pill, just have sex the week after your period. Don’t feel the need to get stressed out and track. The stress won’t be helpful for getting pregnant.” I appreciated that she was being so lax about it. That’s one of the reasons I love her. She gave me zero strife about wanting to have a baby later in life. She did it and she’s a rock star. Unfortunately, the part about having sex the week after my period . . . it only works if you are ovulating at that time. I wasn’t. Which leads to the next thing I didn’t know: It can be hard as shit to pinpoint when you are ovulating. You can only get pregnant on or around the time of ovulation so you gots to know that if you wanna make a baby.
My second piece of advice: Figure out how many days are in your cycle and then identify when you are ovulating. Again, this sounds so basic. But after talking with people, I wasn’t the only one who didn’t know to do that.
So I pulled the goalie and we loosely tried in March, April, May, and June. By loosely, I mean I took my OB’s advice, didn’t track, and tried the week after my period. Bobby and I were not happy about doing this in the middle of a pandemic, but we naively thought that maybe by the time we got pregnant and had the baby, the whole thing would be over. Needless to say that it didn’t happen . . . BECAUSE I WASN’T FUCKING OVULATING AND HAD NO IDEA. July came around and gifted me Covid. Screw you July. As most of you know, I had a rough go at it.
The after effects of Covid hung on for a bit. I couldn’t taste anything and I just didn’t feel like myself for months. We decided to press the pause button until I was completely healed. Finally, by October (yeah, 4 effing months), I was getting some spring back in my step and could fully taste again. So we pressed the play button. By this time, I had figured out the length of my cycle and was attempting to identify my ovulation date. But it’s just not as easy as you would think. I used an app, but they just guess. I bought ovulation kits. Even though they were letting me know it was happening, they were still not super accurate. For example, one month it told me that I was ovulating for 12 days—which is impossible. At this point, I was frustrated. I wasn’t frustrated about not being pregnant. I was actually patient and knew it would happen when it was time. I was frustrated that I couldn’t identify my ovulation dates.
My next piece of advice: I know it’s hard, but stay as calm and patient as you can. Trust the timing of it all. Use each month to enjoy your relationship and your life as it is. Every month it didn’t happen, I just told myself, “I have one more month to drink rosé.” Or “There’s one more month to enjoy my husband before I have to embrace a lot of change.” The more you rush it, the more you stress, and the more you are missing out on the life that’s happening in front of you.
October, November, and half of December passed. I was sitting in therapy discussing my ovulation frustrations and she suggested a book called Taking Charge Of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. This book right here . . . this book right HERE! (In my best Chris Tucker voice) I can’t begin to tell you how incredible it is. It is jam packed with information.
Don’t be overwhelmed by how big it is. It’s broken down so you can choose to read the parts that pertain to you. I remember when I started reading the first part of it, I got pissed. I was pissed that I was 39 years old and didn’t know that much about my body. It tells you everything the school system was too chicken shit to teach you. If only I would have known all of this sooner, I would have felt more empowered. I would’ve been looking at my body in a completely different way! I would have seen it for the beautiful and miraculous bad ass that it really is. Y’all, women are divine, enchanting, and powerful. We are creators of LIFE. We need to start believing that at a very young age!
This book not only got me up to speed about my body, but it taught me how to naturally track my cycle to get pregnant. It also teaches you how to track so you don’t get pregnant. I sure as hell didn’t know: Your body will TELL you each month when it’s ovulating. There are clear signs. All you have to do is pay attention and listen. After you learn what to do, you print out the piece of paper (I think there’s also an app) and you begin to track. After I became informed, I have to tell you that it was very easy for me to tell when I was ovulating. I started tracking in January. I became pregnant the very first month.
My biggest piece of advice: Read this book. Put into action what it teaches you.
She harps on the fact that every woman’s cycle is unique. She talks about how a lot of doctors and people in the healthcare field inform their patients based on a 28 day cycle (see story about my OB). For those women, like me, who don’t have an average cycle, you’re not ovulating on and around the 14th day. Mine was more like day 21—an entire week later. There are also women that don’t ovulate at the same time every month. If this is the case, you’re having a hell of a time trying to get pregnant. She says this can even lead women to think they’re infertile! We have all this technology at our fingertips, but what about going straight to the source (your body)?
To all of the women reading this, don’t forget that your body is a marvelous wonder. YOU are beyond amazing. We are finding our voice and standing in our power. It is a beautiful thing to witness. But along the way, we’ve forgotten to love and honor our bodies—exactly the way they were made. We’ve forgotten to trust and listen to our bodies—they never steer us wrong. Let’s return to that. Because they are the best guides we have.
